So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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