Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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