singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
