what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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