At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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