I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
