I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
