i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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