just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
