Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How external is "for external use only"?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
