My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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