her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
