Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
