No stitches, just platelets and will power
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
