I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
