Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
