Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
