And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
