I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
