People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
