Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She has the best kind of daddy issues
false alarm, still single
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize