But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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