clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
