Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize