somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
