We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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