At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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