just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
