Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
