Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize