a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
