After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
