Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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