i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
