Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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