UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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