and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
