He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
