its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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