i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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