u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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