hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
