i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
