Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
