i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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