she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
