wrigley field is MILF paradise
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
