Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
