I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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