My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
