I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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