i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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