Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
