Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
