My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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