Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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